Wordplay jokes
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
I’m gay because I nutted on the wall, now there are walnuts.
Wow, all these jokes are humerus!
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
What are Michael Jackson’s favorite universities?
Brigham Young and Boise State.
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪