Wordplay jokes

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.

What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.

Anal intercourse is for assholes.

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because it is between 9 and 11.

What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?

Twix.

I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.

What do you call a skeleton's omelet?

A bonelet.

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

I put the fun in dysfunctional.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?

Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.

I'm a proud racist. I love kart racing, street racing. Any kind will do.