Wordplay jokes
I don’t think 9/11 jokes are funny... they just crash and burn.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.