I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A dipresso espresso.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "Iβm all right now."
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish!
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
How does the bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush.
What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.
