Word jokes

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

Papaumamaumau papaumaumamau.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

Do you know what the "f" in "orphan" stands for? Family. Oh wait, there is no "f."

Hana?

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."

There is no family.

How do you talk to giants? Using big words.

An acronym for penis is Proton-enhanced nuclear induction spectroscopy. So just remember, the word "nuclear" is part of a penis.

Why does new pavement smell like butt?

In other words you can also call it asphalt.

Ass-phalt.

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Mr. Bunler.

If hi = hi?

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

What do you call a man with no legs?

Neil (kneel)

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."