Word jokes

Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

“Yes," replied Hodja.

“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

Penis, cheese, butt, cum.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Q: Why is marriage not a word?

It's a life sentence!

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."