Word jokes

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

Penis, cheese, butt, cum.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

Replace the v in Venus with a p.

What do you call a cute door?

Adorable.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!