Word jokes

What does the PH stand for in "orphan"?

Niguh.

When a white person says the n word,

black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.

The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"

The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

You're really special.

But the R in special is silent.

Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Old lady.

Old lady who?

I did not know you could yodel!

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

What goes after the butt?

The POST-erior.

Dad, sad, bad, rad, nad, tad, glad, clad, plaid, had.

You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."

America... Amefrica... Amfrica... Africa...

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

What kind of bees make milk?

BooBees.