Word jokes

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Nerverack.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Por que.

Por que who?

"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?

Legs.

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.

But there is no F.

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

I love the word legs.

Wanna help me spread the word?