Woman jokes

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

97 percent of women...

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

Why do women have two sets of lips?

I kiss both.

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

Cotton waiting to be picked.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

"Hippity hoppity, women are my property."

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.