Woman jokes

Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?

Women were flying the plane.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

Bippity Boppity,

Women are property.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Do you know how many women have been pope?

Nun.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!

There's only one gender. Women are property.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

What is the reason for why women never look to the right?

Because they don't have any rights.

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?

"Kinder Egg surprise."

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.