Woman jokes
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Okay, guys. Today we're gonna read the Women's Rights of 1920...
Okay, thanks for watching!
What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
"Hippity hoppity, women are my property."
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.