Priority jokes

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

My career is worth more than your adoption.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.