Woman jokes
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
Peanut Butter
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
Women are gay.
"Wheelchair" - HAHA!
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
When you see a woman with a leg chain, what usually comes to your mind?
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Why are women’s feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts, “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box, and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands; it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout, “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it out. The wife panics and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims, “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina, and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass!” The Voodoo Dick then flies out of the woman's vagina and inside the officer's ass. The officer says, “WHAT THE HELL! GET THIS THING OUT OF MY ASSHOLE!” The woman laughs and replies, “Thanks, officer,” and turns around and goes home.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.