Woman jokes

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

What do you call a gay woman? I don't know.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”

He hid in her attic.

What's cold, blue and makes women cry?

Cot death.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

What do cannibals call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise.

What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?

"Who are you wearing?"

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?

Depends.

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?

A black woman dressed for church.

Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?

Because she's a woman.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?

"Nice tits."

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.