Woman jokes

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

How many genders are there?

One, women are property.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything.

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

My brother when he sees a girl.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"