A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
Woman Jokes
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
