Woman Jokes

I like my women how I like my golf score. Low in the 80s and with a handicap.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped. A blonde thought and did get raped.

A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches

There is only one reason why I find woman useful

That is because they make sandwiches. But that is about it

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"

What is the definition of a woman? A life support system for a vagina

Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world? -- Nothing. She's fine.

I saw a dad shaved his daughters head because she made fun of a woman with cancer. Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant women🤭

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the consitution in freedom of expression

When ariana grande walked into the chruch she said GOD IS A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her)

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

What looks like peanut butter and jelly,and makes a woman scream? Afterbirth

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

When a woman decides to abort it is called a decision but when I run my truck into a playground of kids it is called murder

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."