Woman jokes

I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.

BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?

"Probably the dishes."

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

There is only one reason why I find women useful.

That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.

A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.

The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!

I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.

Why did the woman get raped in the ass?

She assed for it.

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

How does a woman scare their gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”

The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

Women are only for sex!

They are good for cooking and sex!

Nothing but those things.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

It's really funny, read through everything slowly.

Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.

I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."

What do you call a missing Indian woman?

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!