Woman jokes
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.