Woman jokes
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.