Woman jokes

Women.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have balls.

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.