I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. đź’€
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
