Woman jokes
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"