What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
There used to be Wonder Woman.
Now we wonder, what is a woman?
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Why can't a woman find a glory hole inside of the lady's room?
Because piss comes out of a woman's pussy.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.
Why are women’s feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
