Without jokes

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

What do you call a Mexican without a car?

Carlos.

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

What hates men but would have no life without men?

A triggered feminist.

What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.

What should you name a dog without any legs?

It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?

That.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

Q: What do you call a little girl without arms and legs?

A: Names.

Hi guys! Ello here! So I am determined to get as many people as possible to like my jokes and comment. So, without further ado, here goes nothing!

So I have been looking at all your jokes, and UHHHHHH has not been the nicest. I don't really love the words she is choosing, but I'm not going to let her get in my head. :)

So guys make sure that you like and comment! Love y'all!!!!! :D

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"