Without jokes

"You cannot win a war without a war."

-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

What bird doesn’t need a comb?

Bald eagles.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

That last brain cell must've been your dad, because it left without you knowing.

Why don't booties make good drummers?

They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?

Tic-tac-toe.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Hey, Britain, no queen? :(

There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A fsh.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.