Winter jokes
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.
Memes
My first christmas picture second one ima draw tommorw at school or tonight depends
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
What did the icicle say to the snow?
"Why do you have to be so soft?"
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
Snover1: You can't pass through Snow Way!
Squirtle: Why can't I pass through Snow Way?
Snover1: There's snow in the way.
Snover2: Yeah, you can't get past through the snow while it's on the way, to continuous.
Squirtle: What? There's snow in here the whole time. What is this? Snow Society?!
"AAAAARRRGGH!!"
Squirtle: Who is that?
Snover2: That is Snow.
Squirtle: What?! That giant snow tree thing is Abomasnow!
Snover2: Oops! Don't be a Halt!
"Haaaaaaaaallllltttt!!!"
"Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!"
Snovers: That was a JOKE, Squirtle be FROZEN, just let it go, let it go!
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.