Winter Jokes

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.

Why don't Mexicans like winter? They're afraid of ice.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

It's that time of year again. 🎄🎅🤶🎄

The image is split into two sections. On the left, "Father Christmas" is shown as a traditional Santa Claus, with a full white beard, a red suit with white trim, and a jolly expression. He is waving with both hands. The right side shows an alternative version labeled "Christmas Daddy". This Santa is more muscular with tattoos, a dark red coat with black fur trim and an intense look on his face. He has a tattoo on his arm saying 'Naughty' above 'Nice'.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Snow.

Snow who?

Snow use, you wouldn't get it.

What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?

HO HO HO

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?

Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.

How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?

A: Snowballs.

Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?

... S'warm!

What separates snowmen from snow-women?

Snow balls.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!