Winter

Winter Jokes

Santa

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

Snowman

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Rapper

What do you get when you cross a rapper with a snowman?

FROSTY RHYMES!

Rapper

How do you find a rapper in a snowstorm?

Look for the one with the "ICE-COLD RHYMES."

Rapper

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

They wear their ice chains.

Christmas

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Woman

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

Rape victim

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Kid

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

Water

Why can't you get water in the North Pole?

Because there is no well.

Snowman

Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?

Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.