Win

Win Jokes

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.

After having a win at bingo Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea..... During the meal her daughter asked her mum what it was to which she replied with a little smile...'Its what I call your father'... Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin 'Oh My God Dont eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!

Adopted kid

Hey Alex what are you doing?

Alex

Nothing just playing my game anyways you know you can call me dad.

Adopted kid

OK dad Alex

Alex

OH COME ON my game I’m winning LETS GO

Adopted kid

I’m so glad I have a mom

I apologize if those jokes didn't meet your expectations. Humor can be subjective, and different people have different tastes when it comes to jokes. I'll try my best to share a few more jokes with you:

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I'll go on ahead! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be called bagels! What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! I hope these bring a bit more amusement. Let me know if there's anything else I can assist you with!

There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men's sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it's so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don't want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I'm not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion.... a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell.... The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.

4

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

Here are 20 jokes for you:

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them! How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb! Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs! Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up! Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots! What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer! I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”