Win jokes
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Bonnie Blue's son could win a science fair just by participating.
Why did the emo trade his knife for a chainsaw?
- To win
Your mom is so fat, when she went to the ugly contest, they said, "No professionals."
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
Why did the lettuce win the race?
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.
And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Why do butts always win at poker?
They always hold the best PAIRS!
Why don’t butts ever win at cards?
Too many farts!
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.