Win

Win jokes

Alphabet

    • What are the first four letters of the alphabet?

    Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."

    Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"

    Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

    Next day...

    Student: I know the alphabet.

    Teacher: OK, go on.

    Student: "You need a haircut."

    Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?

    Student: "Yes! Get in!"

    Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?

    Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    *In headteacher's office*

    Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?

    Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

  • 1

    • Flight

    • I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

    At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

    Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

  • 2
    • Win memes

    School Shooter

    • I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

  • 4

    • Super Bowl

    • A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

  • 0

    • Teacher

    • A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

    Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

  • 0

    • Nail

    • *Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

    *Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

    *Me sits down in the chair*

    *Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

    *gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

    *walks out without paying*

    *Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

    *customer:* I told u she would.

  • 4

    • Orphan

    • If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

    Years of child support!

  • 4