Whos jokes
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Memes
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.