Whos jokes
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
Memes
who wouldnt?
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.