When jokes
I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
Memes
me every night
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.