When jokes
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Memes
Barney
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.