When jokes

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?

Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?

A: Cuatro Cinco.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

When people make accounts about you and a category.

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.

-JFK

When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."