When jokes
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
when ur bored in class so u post this and people start comenting the best shit
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Joe Mama's so fat, when she goes in the elevator, she has to go down.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?
He Neverland.
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!