When jokes

Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?

He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!

What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer? Cell-ablate!

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?

Acne comes on your face when you're 13.

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?

Pokemon!

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.