When jokes

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

What do rednecks find when they research their family tree?

Their INCESTors!

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

What do you call it when Panera Bread is running away?

Panera fled.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

What sound does an Indian make when you're trying to fuck it? ieieieie.

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?

He Neverland.

What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?

"I have runny volcanoes."

I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.

Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.

Joe Mama's so fat, when she goes in the elevator, she has to go down.

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"