When jokes
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
When you realize the person reading this is a clown.
That moment when you poop 😂
What time is it when you get home, and you can walk, walk home and walk, walk home from?
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."