When jokes
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
BAHAHA
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball, guu?
What do rednecks find when they research their family tree?
Their INCESTors!
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?
"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"