When jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Memes
ITS SO TRUE ONG
The Titanic was in a pickle when they saw the iceberg.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?
When the emo kid went to high five the tree, the tree left him hanging.
FUCK EMO KIDS!
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a monster truck she turned it into a lowrider.
What's a baby orphan's favorite joke?
"When am I gonna see my parents?"
Lmao.
Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT