When jokes
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry.
(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")
I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.
Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.