When jokes
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
Yo momma so ugly when she the and ugly weird the and she ugly!
Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"