When jokes
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.
Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."
Mom: "No?"
"Like in heaven?" said the mother.
"No, juice," Sally said.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
What do feminists do when they fail at something?
Blame men for sexism and misogyny.
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What do you call it when a tranny commits suicide?
A good start.