Vest jokes
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
Why is everyone scared of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9 (seven ate nine)!
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."