When jokes

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The face you make when you nail them.

What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

What makes you guys high?

I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."