When jokes

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."

A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

When an orphan takes a picture, it’s a family portrait.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

Just saying this, but I hate how many little kids there are on this site, and when they post, they have the worst posts about "sex", so I'm just saying how they act immature.

What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the pool, the water jumped out!

Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.