When jokes

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.

What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?

"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"

R.I.P. Floyd.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Your mama is so fat that when she jumped, they found water on Mars.

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

What do you get when you throw a pebble into the ocean?

A wet pebble.

Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?

Microsoft.

What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?

He became Gatorade.

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."

Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.