When jokes
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"
I'll try not to post jokes about disabled people anymore.
I shouldn't kick a guy when he's Down's.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, she sinks!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."