When jokes
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?
🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
I have an account at the website Memedroid.
My name is J0K35FromWJE.
Feel free to follow me, and I WILL upload to Memedroid (I might not upload daily).
I will still make jokes here jlyk (just letting you know).
Ok here's your joke now...
What did one pizza say to the other when they were in bed?
"Can I have a pizza that ass?"
You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.
Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.