When jokes

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?

Because they fear him.

What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?

Broken plates.

I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.

What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?

Mario.

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

Me when:

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

VOTING SEMIFINAL 2

LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke.

What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?

He found that he had a piece in his sole!

What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?

Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.

When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.