When jokes

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Yo mama so ugly that when she watched The Outsiders, they became The Insiders.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.

What happens when you cross a pig and karate?

A pork chop!

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!