When jokes

When your plane heads for New York...

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

When does a pentagon have 4 sides?

When a plane is in one of the sides.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

What happened when the corn got scolded? He got an earful!

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"

Yo mama so fat when she walked all we knew was EARTHQUAKE!

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!

LMAO

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."