When jokes
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey bud! When do you open?"
What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?
Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"
Memes
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
When are you from Iowa? You know!!! 🚗
When do you go to the store?
UVUALA!!!!!
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"