When jokes

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of the time.

Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.

Gf:...

Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh...

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.

The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."

The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.

The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.

The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped!

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...

When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.

When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.

Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?

A dictator.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!