When jokes

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.

When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?

What did the cat say when he got mad?

I'm hissed!

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.

Bully: (Speechless)

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?

When he is wanted!