When jokes

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?

A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"