When jokes

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?

A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?

A KKKO.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.