When jokes

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

Yo mama so fat when she step on a scale it say, "To be continued..."

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

What did the cat say when he got mad?

I'm hissed!