When jokes
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Memes
me when i failed my chem test
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!