When jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

when is rape wrong on so many levels?

inside a lift.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?

He became spotless!!!

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”

“A broken nose.”

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.