When jokes
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
Yo mama so fat that when she was in Uranus, she picked her butthole.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."