When jokes
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
Me when I find my sister's diary: oooooo!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.