When jokes
Ready when you are, KK.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
"Long time no sea."
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.